I Am Thanking GOD For My Pain
by Len Capobianco

I awoke one morning in February, 2005 and I was in the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. There was pain shooting from my left upper hip down my left leg to my toes. The pain was burning as well as a feeling that some nerves were trying to break through the side of my leg, while my calf felt as if it was being twisted away from my leg. After taking many Tylenol and Motrin the pain did not seem any better, I could not lie down, nor sit nor stay still. The only thing I could do was try to hobble around the house. If relief came, it came only in 2 second increments. The pain would last for 5-7 hours upon awaking every day.

After many doctor visits etc. I found out that it was degenerative disc disease. The last two vertebrae in my spine were practically bone on bone as the discs were almost all degenerated and both vertebrae were each pinching a nerve. Simple basic arthritic prescription medication stopped the pain after taking it for eight days. Unfortunately, I could no longer take the medication since it was in conflict with my heart medication. Therefore, none of the three doctors I was seeing for this condition would renew the medication. I had to deal with the pain or take the heavy duty pain killers that were morphine based. I would only take them when the pain was too unbearable. The pain has been with me for three and a half months and I managed to only miss one day of work since February due to the pain.

So why would I thank God for this pain. After three months I am learning to live with the pain. I feel like it’s my pain and part of my life. Truth is, very early into the dilemma of managing this pain I started to use the pain for something good. The pain was forcing me to pray, but instead of praying for myself and an end to the pain I started offering up the pain for those I love the most. Twenty-five years ago I learned about offering up personal sacrifice as prayer. Cursillo referred to it as Palanca. I started by offering up my pain in thanksgiving for my two younger sons, who were once heroin addicted, then I offered up my pain for my Mom, Eleanor (can’t bring my self to refer to her as my mother-in-law, she’s been Mom to me for too many years now and I love her too much) as her breast Cancer has recently been diagnosed as spread to her brain. The past week my Brother Steve’s (can’t bring myself to say brother-in law, I love him too much too) father had a terrible accident at work that has rendered him nearly brain dead. I pray for my son Len’s (I can’t bring myself to call him son-in-law as I love him too much too) mother, Linda who has re-occurring cancer. Then there’s our Aunt Josie who has cancer and is in lots of pain and both Aunt Rose’s, one who has cancer and one whose kidneys have failed. I’m not sure what to pray for, for any of them, and so I simply remind our FATHER that I’m offering my pain for them by name as HE knows what’s needed. When the pain is at its worst I can’t concentrate and so I force myself to say their names and HE takes it from there.

For now, my pain has taken on some importance. Someday my pain will be gone or possibly replaced. I hope that I can remember it and how it reminded me to pray for those in need of prayer.